Drama from The Football Family Act III

Scene 1 – St James Park, Newcastle United Boardroom.
Mike Ashley the owner, sits at a huge mahogany table, wearing a Newcastle United Shirt, drinking a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale and reading a book about business called “The One Minute Manager”

Enter Alan Shearer to  strains of The Blaydon Races

Mike Ashley: ” Hello Alan, just put the phone doon on some currybashers wanting a reference for you, something aboot could you bowl a canny  left arm spin”

Alan Shearer: ” Aw bloody ‘ell Mike whats tha done naw”

Mike Ashley: ” Ah divvent knaa, is it aboot that smoggie journo Ron Liddle ? Cheeky bastard said in the Sunday Times that Newcastle was a convocation of the most deranged people outside of North Korea “

AS: “ No, man . Its aboot wor Chrissy ! “

MA: puzzled, ” Wor Chrissy, Wor Chrissy …ah ya mean Wor Blackie ! Ah… yeh, had to let ‘im go like…”

AS: ” Haway man, what d’ye do that for”

MA: ” Its cos he’s mixed race, ya know , a mixture of Black and White. I’m not keen, I prefer things in Black AND White, y’know, like this great shirt. D’ye want one Alan? We’ve loads in stock , with next year’s sponsor on , I’ll do your name on the back at cost…”

AS: ” But Mike, he brought us up from Championship, we wuz doin well, just beat Liverpool, drew with Chelsea…”

MA : ” Ah know Alan but its all part of my managerial development, I am being mentored by  Freddy Shepherd. He says that I have to follow what he did so I have sacked the manager, just like he did with Bobby Robson after only 4 games”

MA: ” He says that all wimmin in Newcassel are dogs and that the fans are numpties for buying all that Black and White crap. I do draw the line though , Alan , at calling you ” Mary Poppins” – well , I mean , its not right ; she’s still got all her hair”

AS: ” I divvent understand, Wor Chrissy ,he was a canny gadgie…”

MA: ” Thats why I’m a millionaire businessman and you’re just a bookend on Match o’the day. See , them fans have not been buying enough of my shirts from my shops, they’ll be stopping coming to the game next, so I thought lets really get ’em interested , I ‘ll bring in a big name, a world class manager, someone who has managed big clubs ….so I asked them lads at Blackburn for advice. They suggested either Alan Border or Alan Lamb, couldn’t find them in phonebook but Alan Pardew was listed so I called him………”


About Moorendman

A traveller through life who reads a great many of peoples works whilst self teaching himself.
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