At 20.09 GMT, last night, a middle aged man in the tense cauldron of his own living room, screamed “Get in, Fuck Off !” in celebration after the scoring of an important champions league goal.
It is reported that a 15 year old tortoiseshell cat, which was watching at the time, is badly traumatised by the incident and it’s owners are concerned that it may begin to use similar obscentities.
The scorer of the said goal , Wayne Rooney, will have his punishment confirmed this morning by the FA for the exact same use of the profanity. It would be churlish and
partisan to suggest that public reaction to his “foul mouth” were in some way a consequence of too much media attention, especially BBC 5 Live’s equivalent of the Salem Witch Trials held last Saturday Evening.
The justice of this could be heard during the Chelsea-United quarter final last night, when the Chelsea crowd, profoundly angry with their erstwhile England hero for corrupting their unborn children and pet hamsters with his diabolical outbust after the completion of Roooney’s comeback hat trick against their “dearest friends” and fellow Londoners, West Ham, could be heard constantly booing him.
Notwithstanding that the F word is probably the most used word on a football pitch after the indignant shout of “referee?” and that it makes up some 32.4% of your average matchday fan’s vocabulary ( Figures from the Ron Atkinson Centre for Respect ) , Rooney’s outburst is surely just an example of release, the opponent vanquished in the arena, the point won, the goal scored……but then you would have to played the game at some competitive level to understand that. ( Yes, thats you Alan Green , the fat kid who was the last to be picked, if ever )
Goal celebrations are the source of much strange behaviour: who can forget Ketsbaia’s unprovoked attack on the advertising hoardings, who would like to forget Peter Crouch’s robot dance? And then we have the nazi salute by Paolo Di Canio, Robbie Fowler’s sniffing the coke line, Tim Cahill’s handcuff support to his GBH convicted brother and lovable Craig Bellamy’s golf club swing echoing his attack on team mate John Arne Riise. All of the above apparently not worthy of the FA’s attention.
As a shaven headed,amply proportioned Chelsea-shirted Shed regular might say : ” Faark Orrf, Your ‘avin a laarf !”